“year”
what makes this day any different?
someone asked me recently what i would do on a ‘miracle day’, a day where anything is possible and you can do anything you want. you can go to a far away place, you can buy something you want, you could even fly. from the moment you wake up, everything would go right. the scenario, no matter how hypothetical, was ridiculous. i’d want to see my sister. & miracle days - miracles - don’t exist.
i think sometimes people exaggerate when they say “not a day goes by that i don’t…” days, invariably, do go by without you noticing you haven’t noticed. some people don’t know what day it is for me on 25 july. when i tell them, they say, “the year has gone so fast.” for them, the days have gone by.
for me, no day is like the days before. i’ve gained & lost things, friends, time. there are places i won’t visit, physically and mentally, closing my eyes when i pass them on the bus or squeezing thoughts out of my head. my feelings don’t feel the same. i hate more passionately, but love more dully. maybe this will change. maybe it won’t. but the time of day, the day of the week, the month of the year doesn’t change how much i think about you, miss you, love you, wish you were here.
every day, i wear four rings on my right hand. two of them are yours: the one with the circle is on top and the one dad gave you with the blue sapphires is on the bottom. between them sit two thin rings with words split on the bottom & top. every morning of every day, i twist them around to line up the words that will remind me to ‘live’, ‘laugh’ or ‘love’.
