“terror”
i dreamt about you for the first time in a really long time. i can’t remember the last time i did.
mom & dad came to london to visit. cathy & peter were in brighton & i magically moved very easily between the two cities. we spent a lot of time trying to figure out where the hotels were & how to get from mom & dad to cathy & peter.
we were in the room, finally, which had a lot of samples of chewing gum. my friend came to visit, and we were drinking some wine. i went into the bathroom & came out & you were there & i know my awake self started to panic because i can feel it in my teeth now.
i went back into the bathroom & you came in & we were trying to take pictures of ourselves. we were in long white shirts. then we were wrapped up in the same towel, then we were both transforming into other people, completely random people like my brain was flicking through a catalog of people who could be there.
we finally came out & i tried to get you to meet my friend, but it wasn’t like you couldn’t see or talk each other, it was as if you were speaking in different languages about different topics. my awake brain knew this wasn’t possible (“an after person!” i was thinking & could feel myself trying to mouth, so i could communicate this to my terror dream brain). finally my friend had to go to catch a train & the terror set in & i knew i had my ankles crossed because i was half awake already & struggling to get my friend to stay, like that would keep you, but you were flickering & i was hugging mom & dad like it was nothing & we were on a bus in brighton or london & i couldn’t wake up & i couldn’t move, even though i wanted to, for a very long time.
your hair was long & curly, & i felt it crunch in my hand but i don’t remember hugging you.
